Bionic Bloodhounds

Setting: a Paraguayan dog-show
Tone: Joyful
Genre: Action
Written by: Jordyn, Logan, Madeline, Bonnie and Joel

(Jordyn) The year was 2461; a great year for middle eastern countries. (Well, great when it came to dogs. The rest of the country was almost completely wiped out.) Paraguay had spent most of its funds on a secret experiment involving dogs and computers. They hoped to combine the two to create what they hoped would be the world's smartest dog. You wouldn't have to teach it to sit or stay, or not to bark when you have company over; it was built in to it. It wouldn't be instinctive or impulsive. It would always be the ideal dog. But something happened... something terrible. No one would tell is what happened, so my friends and I decided to get to the bottom of it. We spent weeks- no, months planning. We had finally made it in...

(Maddie) ...to the Paraguayan dog show when we were attacked! The building that the dog show was held in had been taken over by the fearsome computer-dogs. It was very exciting to be attacked by the dogs, I was thrilled to have been a part of the experience. There were very few people left alive in the building. Those who were living had locked themselves into a very large bathroom. My friends and I fought our way through the halls of the building, trying to find a way to stop these ferocious dogs!

(Bonnie) The dogs had become so smart that they were updating themselves. It was amazing how some of them became surgeons adding all kinds of gadgets. We finally made it to the bathroom where an army of dogs now stood. Some were trying to get into the bathroom; others were at-the-ready. I smiled as my friends and I attacked. Our computer genius was outside trying to hack into their programming to shut them down. But me and my friends had to save these last people. We fired away; one of us was down, then two. But the dogs were falling faster. I saw my best friend die, those dogs were dead meat. I felt more alive than ever...

(Logan) ...as I ripped the metal head off one of the dogs, screeching my triumph. Another one jumped at me from the side, its razor-sharp claws swinging at my neck and face. I leaped to the side just in time, causing the dog to smash into the wall behind me. I was blind with fury now as I charged...

(Joel) ...toward the bionic bloodhounds. I spun with fury, my legs taking out dogs two at a time with effective round-houses. My fists flew like pistons as wave after wave of robot dogs poured out of their kennels. The room was a whirlwind of sparks and bolts as the dogs shattered against my thrusts. I felt as though I was being controlled by some outside influence. As I looked down at my hands choking a Doberman to death, I realized my skin had melted away to reveal black gun metal where my bones and flesh should have been. Confused, I looked back to my computer genius who I thought was trying to hack the system. He was sweating with excitement mashing buttons on a Play Station controller that was controlling my fists and legs. Behind him, a crowd of thousands of spectators were cheering ballistically. The scoreboard above me had me in the lead. I was a robot built for bionic battling and I had three more dogs to go before setting the high score for my creator.

Skills I Would Love To Have

1. Be able to distinguish the differences between the calls of the Ivory-billed Woodpecker from the Ivory-billed Woodcreeper.

2. Correctly estimate the square-footage of every room I walk into. 

3. Open pickle jars on the first try.

4. Kill a spider without panicking.

5. Be able to have a water balloon fight at thirty-paces. 

6. Master pig-latin. 

7. Be able to be a professional pogo-stick..er-person-thing. 

8. Identify what brand of potpurri it is simply by smelling it. 

9. Be able to levitate. 

10. Do an impression of Morgan Freeman. 

Am I the only one that feels this way?

You know that feeling when you find a TV show that you love instantly and you start obsessing over it and shipping the characters and go on tumblr and find cute gifs of them and it makes you want to cry because they're just so amazing? 

But then the show's directors and whatnot decide that they want to break the hearts of innocent US spectators because it's filmed in Canada and Canada is a jerk and doesn't let America watch the show anymore even though we all totally loved it and even petitions don't work because Canada is stupid?

And then you find another show to love and take the place of the other one even though nothing will ever fill the hole in your heart that the first show left?

And you find tumblrs completely dedicated to the new show and all of a sudden the internet is full of people that are just as obsessed over the show as you are and it's like you've been adopted into the ideal family?

But then the new show you love throws a huge plot twist in your face and you think "WELL IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH" and then you realize what they just did and you can't even deal and you hyperventilate and cry because it's just so great and it's finally happening?

But while you're celebrating this amazing occurrence the TV show makes you wait two more weeks for a new episode and you don't know what you do with your life anymore so you spend all of your time trying to figure out a way to speed up the earth's rotation therefore making time pass quicker so you can watch the new episode sooner?

You guys know that feeling?

(Or do I just take TV too seriously...)

Only the cutest thing you'll see all day.

 I was feeling a bit down, and then I got bored.

Warning: This post may cause you to hug and/or adopt your computer screen.

Oh goodness. A tiny rocking chair.

That's right. It's in a teacup. 

I can't deal.

Last, but certainly not least...

Like what the heck is this. It's too small to even function.

How To Make Polyjuice Potion

Polyjuice potion is a potion that allows you to morph into the person of your choice. The effects of the potion last for about an hour. If you want to continue the effects, you will need to drink another serving of the potion once an hour.

There are several steps to take when making a Polyjuice potion. Keep in mind that this is a very advanced potion, and beginners should ask for help from more experienced wizards. There are two parts to the recipe.

The total process takes approximately one month to complete.

If you're in a rush and don't have time to brew your own Polyjuice potion,
you can pick some up at The Apothecarium of Horace E. F. Slughorn.

List of Ingredients

Lacewing flies (stewed 21 days)
Leeches
Powdered bicorn horn
Knotgrass
Fluxweed (picked at full moon)
Shredded Boomslang skin
A bit of the person one wants to turn into (typically a lock of hair)

Recipe Part 1

1. Add three measures of fluxweed to the cauldron.

2. Add two bundles of knotgrass to the cauldron.

3. Stir three times, clockwise.

4. Wave your wand then let potion brew for eighty minutes (for a Pewter Cauldron. A Brass Cauldron will only require sixty-eight, and a Copper one only sixty.)

5. Add four leeches to the cauldron.

6. Add two scoops of lacewing flies to the mortar, crush to a fine powder, then add two measures of the crushed lacewings to the cauldron.

7. Heat for thirty seconds on a low heat.

8. Wave your wand to complete this stage of the potion.

Recipe Part 2

1. Add three measures of Boomslang skin to the cauldron.

2. Add one measure of bicorn horn to the mortar, crush to a fine powder, then add one measure of the crushed horn to the cauldron.

3. Heat for twenty seconds at a high temperature.

4. Wave your wand then let potion brew for twenty-four hours (for a Pewter Cauldron. A Brass Cauldron will only require 1224 minutes, and a Copper one only eighteen hours.)

5. Add one additional scoop of lacewings to the cauldron.

6. Stir three times, counter-clockwise.

7. Split potion into multiple doses, if desired, then add the pieces of the person you wish to become.

8. Wave your wand to complete the potion.

Ugh. The feels.

Okay, I think it's safe to say about 99.999999% (I get extra points for the hyperbole, right?) of people watch Once Upon A Time. So I have compiled a list of my favorite ships from the show. (It has come to my attention that some of you may not know what a ship is, so here is a brief summary.)

1. Killian (Captain Hook)/Emma.

Aesthetically, this relationship has been blessed by the almost canon gods. I mean, just look at them.
The chemistry they have is crazy. They're just destined to be together. 

2. Jefferson (The Mad Hatter)/Emma.

Jefferson and Emma have one of the cutest  relationships.
This is a beautiful ship, just beautiful.

3. Graham (The Huntsman)/Emma

Graham (God rest his soul) and Emma were maybe the best ship on the show.
He was sweet and caring and so very Irish. 

4. Graham/Ruby (Red Riding Hood/Wolf)

This was an amazing ship. The Huntsman and the Wolf?
Absolutely brilliant. 

5. Killian/Ruby.

Ruby is like the female version of Hook: snarky, quick-witted, cunning.
 They fit perfectly together.

6. Killian/Belle (from Beauty and the Beast)

Hook tends to have chemistry with every woman he meets,
but there's something about him and Belle that's different.

7. David (Prince Charming)/Mary Margaret (Snow White)

Only the best couple. EVER. "He will always find her." 

There you have it, just a few of the dozens of OUAT ships that make me cry.

75 Phobias I Didn't Know Existed

I got more than a little bored on Google and decided, 'Why not use ridiculous phobias as your next blog post?' (Note: If you actually have any of these phobias, I mean no disrespect; I just find them humorous.)   

1. Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing. 

2. Acerophobia- Fear of sourness.

3. Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.

4. Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.

5. Ambulophobia- Fear of walking.

6. Anablephobia- Fear of looking up. 

7. Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

8. Automatonophobia- Fear of ventriloquist's dummies. (Alright, I will admit I have this.)

9. Barophobia- Fear of gravity.

10. Bibliophobia- Fear of books.

11. Bromidrosiphobia- Fear of body smells.

12. Catapedaphobia- Fear of jumping from high and low places.

13. Cathisophobia- Fear of sitting.

14. Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.

15. Chorophobia- Fear of dancing.

16. Chromophobia- Fear of colors.

17. Clinophobia- Fear of going to bed.

18. Consecotaleophobia- Fear of chopsticks.

19. Cyclophobia- Fear of bicycles.

20. Defecaloesiophobia- Fear of painful bowels movements. (.....I have no words.)

21. Deipnophobia- Fear of dining.

22. Dendrophobia- Fear of trees.

23. Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body.

24. Domatophobia- Fear of houses or being in a house.

25. Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom.

26. Eosophobia- Fear of daylight.

27. Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing.

28. Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.

29. Geliophobia- Fear of laughter.

30. Geniophobia- Fear of chins.

31. Genuphobia- Fear of knees.

32. Graphophobia- Fear of handwriting. 

33. Helminthophobia- Fear of being infested with worms.

34. Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia- Fear of long words. 

35. Hypengyophobia- Fear of responsibility. 

36. Ideophobia- Fear of ideas.

37. Kopophobia- Fear of fatigue.

38. Koniophobia- Fear of dust.

39. Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables.

40. Leukophobia- Fear of the color white.

41. Linonophobia- Fear of string.

42. Logophobia- Fear of words.

43. Lutraphobia- Fear of otters. 

44. Mageirocophobia- Fear of cooking.

45. Melanophobia- Fear of the color black.

46. Melophobia- Fear of music.

47. Metrophobia- Fear of poetry.

48. Mnemophobia- Fear of memories.

49. Mottephobia- Fear of moths. (This is not ridiculous. This is a plausible fear. Moths are terrifying demons of torture.)

50. Nephophobia- Fear of clouds.

51. Nomatophobia- Fear of names.

52. Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.

53. Odontophobia- Fear of teeth.

54. Olfactophobia- Fear of smells.

55. Ommetaphobia- Fear of eyes.

56. Omphalophobia- Fear of belly buttons.

57. Papyrophobia- Fear of paper.

58. Peladophobia- Fear of bald people.

59. Phobophobia- Fear of phobias. (Oh, the irony.)

60. Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking.

61. Pogonophobia- Fear of beards.

62. Porphyrophobia- Fear of the color purple.

63. Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers.

64. Rhabdophobia- Fear of being beaten with a rod.

65. Scotomaphobia- Fear of blindness.

66. Spheksophobia- Fear of wasps. (Again: terrifying demons of torture.)

67. Symmetrophobia- Fear of symmetry.

68. Taphephobia- Fear of being buried alive.

69. Tetanophobia- Fear of lockjaw. (Actually, lockjaw sounds absolutely terrifying.)

70. Textophobia- Fear of certain fabrics.

71. Urophobia- Fear of urinating. 

72. Xanthophobia- Fear of the color yellow.

73. Xenoglossophobia- Fear of foreign languages.

74. Xylophobia- Fear of wooden objects.

75. Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat.