Sunday, November 18, 2012

WHY IS HE SO PERFECT.


ASDFGHJKL. HIS SMILE.


I JUST CAN'T.

HIS HAIR.


ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

 
Andrew Russell Garfield. Oh goodness. Even his name is brilliant. He's just so.... Perfect. I mean, look at him. It is physically impossible for him to look anything but amazing. And he's so darned awkward; it's adorable.
 
I am a tad obsessed. And his British accent doesn't help my plight.
 
To paraphrase Usher, "On a scale from 1-10, he's a certified 20."



Friday, November 9, 2012

Young Wrikis

(Continuing Madeline's)

. . . a sleeping lion! Not at all like the mountain lions he often saw in this part of the woods; but a real lion!
      Theodore had no clue what to think; an African lion was sitting sleeping right there, right before him! 'How could this be possible?'  he asked himself as he backed up slowly, trying not to wake the sleeping beast.
      'Just relax,' he told himself. He had already made it about twenty paces away from the lion when the little brown owl decided to try to perch itself on his shoulder. He grunted in pain as the talons of the owl dug into his skin. Theodore shook the owl off with great force. The owl flew away past the horizon as blood began to trickle down out of Theodore's shoulder. The small droplets that fell to the forest floor were enough to catch the attention of the monstrous animal in front of him.
      The lion, still sleeping, sniffed the air mightily; as if soaking in the scent of Theodore's blood. After what seemed like hours, the lion outstretched his front legs and yawned. He swung his tail up and down, rattling the ground with each impact.
      Theodore stood very still. He must find a way to escape waking the lion any further. He took a deep breath and carefully lifted his left foot off the ground, rustling a leaf or two as he did so.
      The lion pricked his ears up and lifted his head. He began to stand up, but his legs buckled under the weight of his large body. Theodore stood still as a statue, not daring to breath nor blink. The lion roared ferociously and tried again to stand; his legs failed for the second time.
      Not wanting to approach the beast, Theodore examined the lion from afar. It had several large scars across its back. Theodore was focusing so intently on the constellations of scars that he almost didn't hear a voice calling his name.
     
      'Theodore. Theodore, come closer.'
     
      "Who.. Who's there?" he called timidly as he turned around and scanned the forest for any signs of life. "Show thyself!"
     
      'There's no need to fret, my child.'
     
      "I said, show thyself!"
     
      'Theodore, look at me.'
     
      "Where are you?"
 
      'Look at me.'
     
      "I don't know where you are.."
     
      "I said look at me!" the voice roared from somewhere behind Theodore.
      Theodore spun around to look at the lion. The lion had regained its strength, and was now standing tall.
       "Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" the lion asked plainly with a grin on his face.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

This blog's pretty swanky now, huh?

Ok, you guys. I just spent over two hours fixing and customizing every detail of my blog, so I'm quite exhausted. Bear with me as I tell you some of the corniest jokes I've ever heard. The answers are in the comments.
 
  1. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
  2.  
  3. What do you get when you cross a bug, a dog, and a rug?
     3.  Where do you find a one-legged dog?

     4.  What has four wheels and flies?

     5.  Did you hear about that guy in the car accident who lost his entire left side?

     6.  What do you call a bear without an ear?
     
P.S. Since I have a lame post, I'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret. If you Google "elgoog" it'll take you to a site that's like the mirror image of Google.
 
P.P.S. One more thing, it's scientifically proven that if you say 'gullible' really slowly, it sounds like 'orange'.