Skills I Would Love To Have

1. Be able to distinguish the differences between the calls of the Ivory-billed Woodpecker from the Ivory-billed Woodcreeper.

2. Correctly estimate the square-footage of every room I walk into. 

3. Open pickle jars on the first try.

4. Kill a spider without panicking.

5. Be able to have a water balloon fight at thirty-paces. 

6. Master pig-latin. 

7. Be able to be a professional pogo-stick..er-person-thing. 

8. Identify what brand of potpurri it is simply by smelling it. 

9. Be able to levitate. 

10. Do an impression of Morgan Freeman.