14 Confessions (one for every year)

1. I am a tad obsessed with guys' middle names. If a guy has a cute middle name, like Christian or Ryan for instance, I will like him about 500% more.

2. I am extremely terrified of beluga whales. I don't even really know why, but they're super scary!

3. I wish I wasn't so tall, because 50% of the guys that I like are 5' 7".

4. I am prone to severe (self-diagnosed) RLS.

5. I have CDO. It's like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order like they should be.

6. I am almost always hungry. Usually for popcorn.

7. I don't get insecure, but I don't really think of myself as being pretty.

8. I wish I wasn't so shy and awkward. I can't even ask for more ketchup without hyperventilating.

9. (This isn't really a confession because I'm pretty sure all of you guys know this) I am in love with a 41-year-old man that goes by the name Jeremy Renner.

10. Sometimes when I get bored, I dream up ridiculous scenarios that will never happen. For example: Ed Sheeran moves in next door so I give him a muffin basket as a welcoming gift. I flip my hair and overwhelm him, so falls in love with me. ...Pretty basic stuff.

11. I can quote every single episode of Hannah Montana, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Suite Life on Deck and Phineas and Ferb.

12. I know every line in the movies Curious George, Toy Story ( 1, 2 and 3), the Avengers, Bambi II, Fantastic Mister Fox, and Flushed Away. (Actually, I can quote at least one line from every single movie I've ever watched, and I don't know why.)

13. I love/hate listening to songs that make me cry.

14. I wish all of my friends were obsessed with One Direction so we would never run out of things to talk about.

The World Without Wasps

     ^See that right there? Ladies and gentlemen, that is what I like to call PURE EVIL.
A world without wasps would be a walk in the park, a world of tranquility. A perfect world. With no fears or cares. During the summer, we could focus on having fun instead of channeling our energy into avoiding these... For lack of a better word, demons. (Actually, 'demons' suits them just fine.)
     They sting and bite. BOTH YOU GUYS. THAT MEANS DOUBLE THE PAIN. For the life of me, I cannot find a way that they benefit the world. They are simply here to inflict pain, and terrorize civilians.
     Their bodies are terribly disproportionate, as well; which just makes them scarier. Their stomach is all like.. skinny. And the antennae.. And the legs... UGH. I can't. Just thinking about them makes me paranoid.

Wrikis' beginning.

    May 3rd, 1841, a British welder, Theodore Hartcourt III, was taking a stroll through the forest behind his estate. Whistling quietly to himself, he reflected back on how he used to walk around these woods for hours with his father. Suddenly, the night sky flashed a brilliant red-and-gold color! Startled by this magnificient display, he hid behind the largest tree in the forest. The air filled with the 'hoots' of thousands of owls; yet there wasn't a living creature in sight. Theodore was desperate to get out of this terrifying situation, so he started to run back home.
   The woods twisted and turned, and spiraled and warped. He couldn't see, couldn't think, couldn't run. He dropped to his knees with exhaustion. Looking up to the sky, he shut his eyes tight, and prayed for the Lord's help.

"Please Father," he cried, "I don't understand! What is happening to me?"

   All at once, the world stood still and became eerily silent... Theodore opened his eyes slowly. The forest looked like it had just been through a tornado!
   Sitting cheerily and a tree stump in front of him, was a little owlet. Not more than six inches tall. 

'Where could he have come from?' he thought to himself. 'Surely no living creature as small as he could've survived that.'
    

A letter I've always wanted to write.

Dearest Magazine Editors,

       Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for making all of your posters double-sided. It always makes my day when I have to choose between One Direction and Josh Hutcherson. I really appreciate the random, ugly-colored fonts you use for everybody's names. The badly-drawn hearts and peace signs that take up almost the entire poster are an excellent touch! Keep up the good work.

                                                          Sincerely,
                                                                    Jordyn Larson

P.S. It just warms my heart when I take out the poster and the staples rip their faces in half!

A few questions about the undead.

      So, let me get this straight. Zombies were people at one time, but they were either risen from the dead or bitten by someone that was infected with a zombie virus. ..Is that a thing, zombie viruses? Anyway, zombies were people, right?
      Then why do zombies not have brains? What, all of a sudden their brain like fell out of their head or something? I don't get it. When you turn into a zombie, is there some sort of special process that deals with losing your brain? I'm assuming it disintegrates inside your skull. (Unless you're like a mummified zombie. Then it probably got pulled out through your nose.) But for what reason? Why can't you be a zombie and have a brain?
      This is the 21st century, people. I mean, come on. And if they don't have a brain, how can they walk? And lunge at you? And growl/mutter unintelligible things?
      Another thing, why do zombies clothes look they were made by Edward Scissorhands? They get bit by a zombie, and then their clothes shred. Why? Who is it helping? I do not understand. It's a complete waste of clothing.
      A lot of zombies are business men, which I find odd. So most zombies are out there hunting people in Armani business suits. Like they just got closed this huge deal and it's gonna bring the city a lot of money and it's rush hour, yada yada. And then it's like "Whoops! I'm hungry for humans. I'd better ruin my $3000 suit." It's crazy ridic. (Yes, I'm quite hep to the jive with the new-fangled teen slang.)
      If your friend gets turned into a zombie, how are you supposed to save him? An antidote of sorts? He/She no longer has a brain, so isn't it kinda impossible to get them back to normal? Does their brain teleport back into their head or something? What if another zombie had eaten their brain beforehand? Would it still come back? And what happens to their clothes? Do they go back to normal or stay shredded?
      And what happens if your friend is human again but when he was a zombie he ate somebody? That person's limbs and vital organs just digest in his stomach? Oh God, that sounds horrifying.
      I think I read too much into this, but zombies are terribly confusing for me.

There Oughta Be A Law...

There oughta be a law that makes it illegal to not have a giant plate of brownies on your kitchen counter at all times. I know what you're thinking, "Who would benefit from a giant plate of brownies?" Well the answer is... EVERYONE. Brownies make life so much easier! I'd like to see you in a bad mood while you're eating a warm, delicious, moist, gooey, chocolate-y brownie with a nice scoop of icy-cold vanilla bean ice cream on top. It's physically impossible. Brownies just put people in a good mood. So if everybody had a plate of brownies on hand, conflicts would just dissolve. Brownies are a quick fix to any situation.

• You just broke someone's nose, "Sorry man, have a brownie."
• Someone just got stung by a bee and they're horribly allergic, "That's too bad man, have a brownie before you get whisked off to the emergency room."
• You just spilled red wine all over your friend's new carpet, "Ooh, sorry man. Forget carpet-cleaner, I'm sure a little brownie will take that right out."

The possibilities are endless.